I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
