Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
