I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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