She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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