he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
