My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
