you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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