remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
