Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
