I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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