come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
