just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
