my mouth tastes like poor choices
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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