So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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