i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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