what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
