i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
