she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
