Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
