she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
