She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
