I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
