and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
