Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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