the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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