It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
