My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
