My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
