Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
