Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
