You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
