kristin has been a bad kristin
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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