How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
