i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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