if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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