Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
