he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The best revenge is premature balding
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
