he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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