im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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