Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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