I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
