My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
