sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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