i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
