I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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