Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
