You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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