NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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