Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
