The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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