Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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