After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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